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Tuesday, October 29, 2013

useless perfectionism

I found out this summer that my immobility and failure to act at times is a symptom of perfectionism.  Whhhaaa?

I have always been one to hold myself back from trying new things.  Even as a kid, I didn't want to play sports because I didn't want to not be great from the get go.  I see this trait in my son--help me Rhonda.

I tended to gravitate towards activities where I wouldn't let people down if I failed--skiing, biking, camping, etc.  I hate to do something if I'm not sure I can be great.

I found out a few years ago that one of my top strengths is Maximizer.  Maximizers strive for excellence and are disappointed with anything less.  Yes, I believe that describes me!  However, instead of pushing myself to bigger and better things, I hold myself back because I don't believe I can achieve excellence.  Clearly not using this strength as well as I could.

This useless perfectionism needs to go.  I've let go of a lot of bad habits and patterns of behavior over the last few years as a result of my divorce.  Every day I am thankful that I was given a second chance to create a life that matters.  I think I am rising to the pursuit of excellence in a number of key areas--but the one glaring hole is my health. 

How do I break the cycle of inaction and finally get to where I want to be?  This blog definitely helps.  I think the next big thing to tackle is food.  I don't remember how to eat right.  Even when I was eating right back in my skinny days (before sweet Olivia got here), I was mainly eating fake food but just less food in general so I lost weight.  Now I feel this need to be healthy and not eat crap but I don't really know how to do it so I am stuck in crappy eating and self loathing.

Any suggestions?

Sunday, October 20, 2013

In the words of Gloria Gaynor, I will survive!

Three days down and I nailed the 3 day mini challenge of no pop!  I was tempted mightily but managed to resist.  Today was especially difficult--we went out to lunch with friends after church and I almost just said screw it, give me a pop!  But I didn't and now I get to enjoy the satisfaction of having stuck to my plan.

I seriously think I'm having emotional withdrawal from pop.  That is just horrifying!  So horrifying in fact, that I think I'm going to go another 3 days.  Just to see if I can.  And then maybe I'll go another 3 days.  Maybe I can 3 day myself out of a massive pop addiction--that would be awesome!  Good for my health and good for my wallet.

Friday, October 18, 2013

My love, my nemesis








Oh lover, how I miss you!  I made it through the day without my love!  It wasn't too hard, mainly because I wasn't sitting around thinking about it.  I had a slight headache despite having caffeine from another source--I think it was more of an emotional craving.  I miss the bubbles, the sweetness, the sound of a can cracking open.  Sigh.  Water is cool too, I guess.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

The four areas of focus

This year, I'm focusing on getting four areas of my life under control and thriving.

Spiritual health
Emotional health
Physical health
Financial health

To say that I neglect most of these areas on a regular basis is an understatement.  I'm sure many of you can totally feel me on this.  It's tough to balance home, work, family, friends, etc.  We are usually the last person that we give our time to. 

As a coach, I find it so fun and invigorating to help my clients thrive in these four areas.  But it is SO much easier to encourage another than to encourage ourselves!

Let's break the four areas down!

Spiritual health: daily devotions!  I do one called SOLO and I journal each day--it has been super fun to look back and see what I was feeling a few months ago.  I want to fill up my notebook this year!  Also, I need to make Jesus the center of my life.  My plumb line.  The truth that I can hold onto when I start freaking out.

Emotional health: I want to love me.  I want to feel fully comfortable with who I have become.  She's a pretty rad chick.  I want to continue to build and maintain HEALTHY boundaries in my life.  I want to affirm myself for keeping those boundaries, especially when my nature is telling me I am wrong to have them.  I want to go to bed each night feeling like I nailed it--no regrets.

Physical health: This is an easy one--I need to lose weight.  But instead of putting a number on it, I will put a feeling.  I want to feel comfortable in this body, in this skin.  I don't want to constantly be adjusting my shirt so it isn't clinging to my fat belly.  (Beautiful mental picture, right?)  I want to feel pretty.  I want to feel like people see me, that I'm not just some fat mom.  But I also want to get strong.  I used to be strong--I liked how that felt.  I want that back.

Financial health: This is an area I can honestly say has NEVER been under control for me.  I have never stuck to a budget (mini challenge alert!).  My ex and I were both idiots when it came to finances.  Not a good match there.  I do okay but I have zero savings and lots of stupid sh*t clogging up my house.  Pretty easy to see the correlation there!  I would like to have a nice little stockpile of cash in case of an emergency.  I would like to contribute something to my IRA.  I would like to tithe regularly to my church.  I need to find a way to budget that works for me.  My dear mother has tried many times to help me but the reality is that I need to help me--that's the only way it will work.  Please let me know if you have any advice or insight on this one!

So there are my four areas of focus this year.  I am an adaptable person so I like to leave rooms for things to shift a bit.  However, I will stay true to these four.  Four feels manageable!

One month from tomorrow is the official kick off!  I feel so proactive.  :)

Mini challenge time!

I did some major overhauling of my pantries and fridge today.  Much food gone.  Still a lot left but I feel okay about that.  Tomorrow I am going to start pulling things together to create a meal plan.

Since a whole year of living healthfully is a long freakin' time, I've decided I need to do some mini challenges!  This will help break up a long hike up.

First challenge starts in the morning.  No soda for 3 days.  3 WHOLE DAYS.  Diet Coke is the nectar of the gods, in my opinion.  I crave it.  I don't drink coffee but I drink a ton of Diet Coke.  I've tried to stop it before.  No good.  I literally crave it and can't stop thinking about it.  Geez.  That sentence looks awful.

So tomorrow, no soda for 3 days.  At all.

Think I can make it?

I hope so.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

New poll up!

So here's the deal: I have not one, not two, but THREE pantries in this awesome kitchen.  The third one is a double wide, even.  They are all FULL.  Efforts have been made to toss expired food but there is still way too much stuff.

Most of it was bought for a purpose, although that purpose now escapes me.  I have a habit of finding a new recipe (or, more likely, ten new recipes) which I then gleefully buy all the ingredients for.  I organize them all (my pantries are very organized!) then promptly forget what I bought it all for.  Better record keeping might be a big help.

Anyway, as I marinate on the idea of this next year of living healthfully, I see my pantries (and fridge, and freezer) as being stumbling blocks for me.  I don't want to eat most of it but I somehow feel obligated to use it.  That would be fine except what REALLY ends up happening is that I go out and buy meals outside my home in order to avoid the whole situation.  And what does that do for me?  Makes me fatter and poorer!

So would it be insane to empty out the kitchen and start over?  I would obviously keep stuff that I see as viable meal ingredients.  But the rest?  Can I pitch it?  Donate it to a food shelf if it isn't expired?

I need a transformation in this area of my life.  Part of that transformation is simplifying things around here.  I want to cook for my family and I want to lose weight--for me I think that means creating a small rotation of meals that I really love and that are healthy.  Too much variety makes a super flexible lady like me crazy.  I can't get focused.

When I try to menu plan, I completely lose focus!  It's all too much.  I need to have food in the house for five core meals.  That's my thought.  What do you think?


Thursday, October 10, 2013

a wake up call

For the past two weeks, I've been working a TON.  For those of you that spend 50+ hours per week at the office, the amount of time I've spent working is nothing.  But to me, it has been a huge deal.

I am working 17 hours a week at a temp job and then have been working on a corporate coaching gig about 10 hours a week.  But at night I spend more hours working to prep for the next day.  And most of this is done without daycare, during school hours.  If it wasn't for my awesome mom, I would be dying.  Actually, there is no possible way I could do it without her help!

What I've learned:
  • Working is VERY good for my brain.  I like to be productive.  I like getting out and interacting with people.
  • Working is VERY good for my savings account!  In June my spousal support drops $400/month so I am working to build up a nice little pile of cash to make that less of a shock.
  • Working is VERY bad for my weight!  I feel like I've gained 10 pounds in the last two weeks by just eating out too much and eating crappy food in general.  I feel gross.

 On Saturday, I have a blissful day of nothingness ahead of me.  I will be doing some fun things, like getting my brows waxed and my nails done.  I will also do boring things like de-crap this house and finally do the dishes.  I am greatly looking forward to having some breathing room.

How do other single moms do it?  I am exhausted--I can't live like this long term.  At least I know there is an end in sight.  I don't think I could bear this level of activity if there was no foreseeable end in sight. 

All the more reason for me to work smarter at building my business!  Ideal work schedule? 30 per week.  That is about all this gal wants to put in.  I love making money but I like having a life too.  By owning my own business, this is a possibility!

So stay tuned!  November 18 is quickly approaching--the official kick off to the Year of Living Healthfully!

I made a Facebook group for it--let me know if you want to join me.