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Tuesday, December 10, 2013

the most wonderful time of the year?

This holiday season is proving to be a tough one for me.   My ex asked for the divorce on December 23, 2011 around 10 PM.  Nice timing.  No thought at all about how it would impact the kids and of course it was MY fault for making him tell me that night.  Never mind the fact that he had been ignoring me for a week and spent each night in the bathroom till 2 AM texting his girlfriend.  But I digress.

I thought the holidays would be hard last year since it was my first year alone.  But I was so excited about how good life had gotten that I felt pretty upbeat and positive about the whole thing.

This year is not so good.  All the beautiful lights, the songs, the d├ęcor--it all is bringing back very painful memories.  And that makes me irate.  Seriously.  Why do I allow a person like that to steal my joy?  Why do I allow his crappy choices to affect me still, two years later? 

I am blessed to be out of that marriage.  I am blessed to parent my children on my own.  I am blessed in my new life.  I know all these things.

He and I had a huge text fight the other night and I had a total emotional meltdown.  After sobbing on the phone with my mom for a while, I made an appointment with my therapist.  :)  Clearly the work is not done!

All I can do is hope that I find true healing at some point and that all this grossness will help me in my business as I coach other women through this. 

But I still wish I could snap my fingers and make it all better.

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