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Wednesday, November 27, 2013

you attract what you put out there

If it is true that you attract what you put out there, I need to seriously look at what I am putting out there!

Since I have been single, I have been on many dates.  Only a handful of them interested me enough for second dates.  None of them turned into a viable relationship.

One theme I have noticed is that I tend to attract emotionally unavailable men.  They seem normal enough but eventually the unavailability becomes clear and they disappear.

I learned while doing my coaching certification is that my top values are humor, playfulness, connection, emotional intimacy and positivity.  I need to be able to honor those values in my daily life, as a mom, with my family of origin as well as in a romantic relationship.

I'm doing pretty good at honoring them now in my life.  I wasn't when I was married, that became clear quite easily once I realized what my values actually were (sad that I didn't know until I was 35!).

I have not been able to honor these in a romantic relationship yet.  No one has been the right person.  I tend to attract very serious, emotionally unavailable men who have a hard time having fun.  They are attracted to me because I am fun and I have a great sense of humor.  I need to stop attracting these types of men! I tell ya, it's like bees to honey.  Yuck.

I am excited at the possibilities this year of determined singleness will bring!  I finally have given myself permission to give up for a year.  It is such a HUGE relief that I really can't express it in words.

My hope is that as I continue to figure out myself and my needs as a 36 year old single mom, I will begin to attract the right kind of man.  A man who loves the Lord.  A man who is wickedly funny and cracks me up.  A man who is up for adventure.  A man who likes to camp and take road trips.  A man that sees my kiddos as blessings.  A man who wants to spend time with me like it is going out of style.  A man who desires an emotional connection.  He's out there.  I just need to work on myself before I can find him.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Why I am not dating for the next year

As I've been mulling over what it means to be healthy, I realized that for me, in this season of my life, being single is being healthy.

I've spent my whole life trying to be something that someone wanted.  I thought that "love" and attention would somehow validate me, make me realize that I am worth it.  It hasn't worked.

Since my divorce, I have had a love/hate relationship with my singleness.  When I was first divorced, I was on a near frantic quest to find someone.  I didn't really want all the relationship stuff--I just wanted to feel wanted.  As if knowing that someone wanted to be with me would be enough to make me believe I was enough.  Didn't work.

A recent strange little attempt at a relationship ended.  Instead of feeling sad, I felt relieved.  I don't really want to deal with a relationship at this point.  I was pissed though, that this little failure made me feel lonely again.  I had done a good job for many months, letting the loneliness come and go without killing me.  It had just become a thing in my life, instead of crushing thing that I obsessed over.  This person had me believing it could be something special and in the end, it was the same old crap.  So I was pissed at myself for falling for it.

So where does that leave me?  Alone.  Single.  I am okay with that.  In fact, I think I NEED this.  So I am committing to no dating for at least one year.  I don't need it.  It stresses me out and puts my head in a place that I don't like.

No online dating.  No seeking guys out.  If Mr. Wonderful happens to wander into my life organically, I will build a friendship with him and nothing more until my year is up.  

This isn't a fear based decision.  It is a FREEDOM based decision!  And coming from a recovering codependent, that is powerful.  

I am too awesome to waste myself on people that don't appreciate it.  :)

Monday, November 18, 2013

yo, it's about that time....

Today is the official kick off to the Year of Living Healthfully!  Thank you for joining me here!  

Last year, I decided my 35th year would be my best year ever!  It didn't quite pan out that way--it was a pretty good year but I didn't accomplish what I wanted.  It was a growing year and I wasn't ready to put the work in the way that I needed to. 

But my 36th year?  Going to rock the casbah on this one!  I am feeling better emotionally than I have in many years, which means I have the stamina to create the physical changes I have been longing for.

Goals for this year:
1. Lose weight, but in increments.  I will break this huge goal down into many small goals.
2. Create a spiritual discipline around prayer and devotion.  God has brought me through the most challenging season of my life!  
3. Get my financial house in order.
4. Grow my business!   

I will elaborate on these goals as time goes by and probably add new ones.  But for now, that's a start.

If you would like to join the closed Facebook group for the Year of Living Healthfully, click here.

Onward to my best year ever!  I'd love to hear what plans you have for your year!

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Disturbing realization

I've been feeling a bit out of sorts since I started this cleanse.  Sure, I have felt tired and had low energy and been emotionally hungry.  But today I noticed that I seem a little down, more so than I would expect.

Something that JT (my brother-in-law) said to me the other day resonated today.  He learned in AA that if you take away the thing that makes you happy (for him, alcohol, for me, food) and don't figure out how to get happy without it, you will be a miserable human being.

I do not want to be a miserable human being.  But I am realizing that food, soda and alcohol have brought me much happiness and comfort over the past eight years.  It kept me company when my husband ignored me; it made me happy when my children made me crazy.  It is embarassing to say those things.  But it has been my companion for many years--my unhealthy, abusive companion but my companion nonetheless.

I miss the fleeting joy I would get from drinking a diet coke.  I miss the happiness I would feel when eating something that I knew was bad for me but just didn't care.

I am not giving up on this year of living healthfully!  Don't worry about that.  But I do think it is smart to identify my emotions and understand them--that much I have learned over the last few years.  I am, at my core, a positive, upbeat and enthusiastic person.  That will not change!  But right now I am noticing that I relied on things to bring me happiness which is exactly what I tell my kids not to do!  Happiness and joy come from the inside. 

Food should never have the power to control my happiness and joy!

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Noticing some changes....

I seem to have a little more energy.  Could this be the start of something new? 

I have been plagued with horrible headaches, some of the worst I've ever had.  Today has been headache free so far, which is a blessing! 

I started reading a book called 21 Days to a More Disciplined Life.  I've always wanted to be more structured and more organized but haven't been able to pull it off. 

Once I finish this 21 day cleanse, I am embarking on a life cleanse!  More to come on this later.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

I'm surviving!

Day five of the Ultimate Reset! 

Not gonna lie--the first 3 days were rough.  Rough.  But somehow I kept at it, surprising myself.  Now I am at the end of day 5.  Only 16 days left!

I haven't had any caffeine, which has been the hardest part.  Definitely an addict.  That's what was so hard those first days.

I've kept my fridge stocked with the fresh foods I'm supposed to be eating.  Definitely helps to be prepared!

I've found that I'm not really hungry--I am emotionally hungry.  I am fighting massive cravings for all the crappy food I've gotten so used to eating.  They are getting smaller though.

I've found that the food I am eating makes me feel really full.  I'm usually struggling to get the final bites of my salad in.  Eating lots of veggies really does fill you up!

And the best part?  Down 5 pounds!  Yahoo!  That's enough to keep me going!

Thursday, November 7, 2013

off to dazzle the crowd

In 3 hours I will be at General Mills doing a presentation on balancing technology in our families.  My head hurts a little but I'm going to try to stay off the caffeine.  Hopefully the natural high I get from being in a big group of people will be enough to keep my sparkle going!

I got on the scale this morning just for fun--down 3 pounds!  If I could knock out 10 pounds on this program, I would be very happy.  That would feel like a great head start for me.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

The start of something....amazing?

Today I started a 21 day cleanse/detox program.  Normally I don't go for stuff like this but decided to give it a try for several reasons.  First, you don't eat fake food and shakes--you eat real food that you cook and prepare yourself.  Second, many of the reviews I read said it taught them how to shop and cook whole, clean foods.  I need help with that.  Third, I am quite certain that if I don't shake things up now, I will end up in this exact same place next year, looking at my 37th (!!!) birthday looming and wondering what happened to my good intentions.

For breakfast, I had a big bowl of oatmeal.  I was supposed to have yogurt and blueberries with it but had not hit the grocery store yet so I just stuck with the oatmeal.  Not hungry, even 4 hours later.

Have not had soda or tea.  Just drinking water.  No headache.

I am cooking a batch of chicken right now because I need some for my salad at lunch.  I plan to eat mostly the same meals each day for this first week.  Too much flexibility makes me have a hard time.

I hit the grocery store and spent $95 on food.  That kind of hurts but I'm guessing that if I really examine my credit card bill (which I don't because I am feeling stressed about money right now) I would find that I probably spend twice that each week on eating out!

Send encouraging thoughts my way please!

Friday, November 1, 2013

18 days!

My birthday is fast approaching on November 18th!  The official kickoff for the year of living healthfully. 

I've decided to try an outrageous eating plan for 21 days--I will be starting it before the official kickoff so I can be done by Thanksgiving.  :)  Nothing crazy about it, unless you could eating whole foods and nothing processed for 21 days crazy.  I kinda do!

I will talk more about it when it begins. 

No kids this weekend so I am going to spend some time making my goals more specific.  Need to make a plan.  Or as much of a plan as this adaptable girl can make.  :)