the desire map

Nope, this post is not about sex. Sorry to disappoint. :)

My dear friend/consultant extraordinaire Rachel Greenhouse put The Desire Map in my path. She suggested we read it and discuss during our weekly co-working sessions.

I have been working my way through the first part of the book, which is all about creating goals with soul. Initially I thought I would use this more on my work side but it is turning out to be more about my personal life. I guess in my case my work and personal life are entwined, due to my brand being ME!

I like her approach. The book is an easy, almost stream of consciousness type of style. She hates the idea of boring, stiff goals. She prefers to call them intentions. In creating goals with soul, you connect on a deep level with what gets you really fired up and do more of that, rather than setting lofty, responsible, well thought out goals that don't excite you.

I'm finally at the part where I am ready to start mapping out my desire map. 

She focuses on 5 areas: 

• Livelihood & Lifestyle
• Body & Wellness
• Creativity & Learning
• Relationships & Society
• Essence & Spirituality

Sounds a little like my 4 areas of focus!

I tackled the first of many pages today that require me to really think about what I really want, what I truly desire.

Example: the prompt was "I crave" and what flowed from my pen was this:

peace. confidence. comfortable skin. less chin fat. a quiet mind. love. true love. a partner. feeling accomplished. strength.

Two pages full of stuff like that. There are many more to be filled!  I want to take my time though and really think. It's easy for me to think about emotional things with very little effort. I don't want to do that here. I don't want to get caught in the trap of writing the "right" things. I want intentions that sizzle and fit me perfectly. 

The only part of this book that sticks in my craw just a bit is where she says the point of all this is to feel good. I agree with that; however, I hesitate to accept that as a life mantra. Sometimes people do really selfish things that make them feel good and rock the worlds (in a bad way) of the people who are connected to them. I think there is danger in focusing solely on what makes you feel good. There needs to be some thought put into how your actions (or intentions) effect others.

So I will be working on this book for the next little bit. Taking my time writing is not the norm for me. I usually crank these posts out in under 10 minutes! Taking time to think before writing something is new for me. Maybe something amazing will come from it!

back from vacation!

I'm back from Disney!

It was a fantastic trip, of course! Although nothing about a Disney trip is relaxing--I always come home totally wiped out.
 
I wore my FitBit the whole time and logged 62 miles for the 8 day trip.  The park days were 25k, 21k, and 23k.  That's over two days worth of steps each time!  No surprise that my feet really hurt by the end of the day.

I ended up getting an ear infection on our second day down there.  Thankfully it was a rainy day so laying in bed all day on a heating pad wasn't a huge waste of time.  Unfortunately, it still hasn't healed and I am now on a second round of antibiotics. I need to be nicer to my kids when they have ear infections--this is awful! Yesterday was the worst day--everything above my shoulders was in pain.  I think the hearing in my infected ear is down to 30%. But it can't get a whole lot worse so I am looking forward to healing!

I had some pop in Disney--something about sunshine, swimming and soda just goes so well together!  I started the week out very strong by making good food choices. By the end of the week, I was having pizza every day!  Believe it or not, I actually lost a pound on the trip.  That has NEVER happened!  Must've been all the walking.

I have been pretty wiped since we got home.  I finally got off my heating pad this afternoon and picked the house up some, went through my emails, and am now writing this.

I feel like I've lost a little focus on my year. I've nailed a few of my goals, which I need to write a post on. But my weight and fitness goals are still hanging out there, unfinished.

I made the decision to quit Lifetime and join Anytime. On Monday I will go and officially sign up. I plan to go daily--Pibs loves it and worked out with my last time.  She watched Doc McStuffins on the treadmill next to me and walked for 30 minutes!  It needs to become a regular part of my morning. I also think it will help me this summer with managing all the free time we have as a family without school to give us structure. They also have a Zumba class on Monday nights that I am excited to check out!  Unfortunately, I have coaching sessions scheduled for the next few Monday nights. But I will get there!

Here are a few fun pics from our trip!

 Party rocking at the Magic Kingdom! It was open until 1 AM, we made it until midnight.

 Doesn't Ethan look so handsome in this picture? The kids rode Star Tours four times in a row.

 Each kid bought a light up toy from the cart at the Magic Kingdom! Much whacking of strangers legs ensued.

 Hanging out with the characters from our favorite show!

 Aren't they breathtaking?

Because we go to Disney so often, they upgraded us to Royal Rooms! The headboard had lights built in and Pibs went crazy for the princess decor. When we walked into our room, she went right to all those framed pictures on the wall and announced she was sleeping right by them!

the end of a relationship....

It's official--I have broken up with diet soda!

After three weeks, the cravings have FINALLY gone away!  I'm not going to lie--this was rough.  It wasn't until yesterday that I didn't have a craving for it.  Every other day I woke up and thought about having a diet coke every 10 minutes.

But yesterday and today? Didn't even think about it.  And knowing what it does to my body has helped me make up my mind to have pop very rarely from now on...and never again will I drink diet!

I am shocked I made it three weeks but also so proud!  I've never stuck with it long enough to see changes.  Well, I do now and I will not be going back.

No judgement if you drink it--you can probably moderate yourself, which I cannot!  Plus I have those gallbladder issues messing me up.

So I went and got my nails done with the money I would've spent on pop these past three weeks!  :)

day 19

I made it to day 19 of no pop!  Bad news is, today I had a pop.  Whoops!

In my defense, I am suffering from a gross cold and really wanted to feel those delicious bubbles on my sore throat.  So I got a regular coke (in the hopes that HFCS is better than aspartame) and.....it was just okay.  Not nearly the bubble rush I was hoping for--I wanted a nice burn on my throat to slough off the layers of mucus.  No luck.

Afterwards, I felt like my teeth were very fuzzy and needed a good brushing.  I also immediately had some "digestive issues", specifically the one that has plagued me for over six years now.  So I think we know what the connection there is!

Bottom line--totally not worth it.  At all. 

In other news, I finally quit Lifetime Fitness.  I feel like a huge weight is off my shoulders!  I checked out Anytime Fitness here in Shakopee.  I had met two of their employees at the Chamber of Commerce Luncheon I spoke at a few weeks ago.  I can go there for $20 a month and I can bring my kids!  My kids loathed the kids club at Lifetime--it is not set up for school age kids.  But at Anytime, they can bring their ipads, watch tv, run around in the studio and do hula hoops...much better for them and me. 

The main reason I was keeping Lifetime was for the pool in the summer (and Norman of course, but he will still be my favorite trainer) but then my pool buddy defected to the Y.  But really, the pool is the only thing I will miss.  Plus, as she reminded me, we have Valley Fair and her boat to look forward to this summer!  :)

Anytime is small, which I like.  When I went to Gold's (before it closed), I had great results.  And back in college, I went to a little Lifetime that was for women only.  I had great results there too.  But in six years at a big Lifetime?  No change at all.  Maybe a small club is just what I need.

Going to try it out after I get back from vacation. 

day 10

I've made it to day 10 of no pop!  I don't think I've ever made it this long.

My brother challenged me to give it up until we go on vacation in March.  For some stupid reason, I accepted this challenge.  :)

I'll be honest--I think about drinking a pop every single day.  I wake up in the morning and my first thought is about getting a pop.  I don't drink coffee so pop has been my morning drink for at least 15 years.

I have noticed some nice changes since quitting.  I feel way less puffy in the morning.  My skin seems healthier from drinking so much water.  My digestive issues are disappearing. 

At this point, I'm planning to just keep going indefinitely.  I don't feel that at this point I can have even one sip of soda--I'll go right back to pounding many cans a day.

The real challenge will be on vacation--usually I get a mug that comes with unlimited free refills.  The rest of the group will get one--will I be able to resist and just stick to water?  At this point, that is the plan!

musing on love, romance and singleness....

It's February 15!  I made it!  :)


I made it through Valentine's Day without getting down on my single status, without consuming a single piece of chocolate, and by only drinking one glass of wine whilst watching the Olympics last night!

When I was married, Valentine's Day would come and go without a word so this year was no different than most.  Like most relationships, ours started out very romantic with my ex always doing big romantic things that put other guys to shame.  And like most relationships, it all ended the day we got married.  :)

I thought I was being cool and low maintenance by not expecting anything on my birthday, our anniversary, Christmas, Valentine's, Mother's Day....Also, I hate giving gifts so I didn't want to have to reciprocate!

But what I now realize is that these stupid days like Valentine's Day do serve a purpose!  You take the time to make a special effort to make your love feel special.  It might feel forced and you might not feel particularly in love at that moment but the point is to remind each other of WHY you are together and WHY you stay together. When things get hard, you need this reminder!

So although I don't want a diamond if I ever getting married again, I will ask that my future partner buys me cards and acknowledges special days and treats me like a treasure that he is blessed to have found.  I commit to doing the same for him!

One thing I have learned during the last two years is that I was far too accommodating in my marriage, and in basically all romantic relationships I have ever had.  I expected nothing (didn't want to inconvenience anyone) and in doing so, I ensured that I got nothing!

Alas, I have not yet figured out how to be the strong me that is emerging and be in a relationship at the same time.  I know that if I really wanted to be in a couple, I could be.  There was the guy last summer that told me after one date that he was falling in love with me.  I could've decided that was good enough for me (instead of freaking out and telling him he was crazy--he really was, no regrets there).  Or the guy this fall that seemed to like me but really only liked a well-behaved, sanitized version of me.  I tried for a while but just couldn't be okay with acting like such a normal person.

No, singleness is the best place for me right now.  I still have so much growing to do and so much work left to do on me.  I would rather be alone than be in a lonely relationship!

an update on my single life

via

It's been almost three months since I decided to stop dating.  I have to say, it has been a simple thing which has surprised me a bit.

It was a little lonely and strange at the beginning.  But now I hardly think about it!  Funny that something that consumed my mind for all that time can be easily shoved out. 

Some people have been supportive of my choice; others have questioned me.  Most of my guy friends think I am completely nuts--that's fair.  :)  A few friends have questioned whether I'm putting God in a box, as far as what I believe He can do in my life.

I can see where that would come from but for me (and only me), this choice was actually a way for me to put trust in God.  I had been trying to manipulate life and make things happen according to my will and timeline.  I kinda just told God to step back and let me handle this.  My track record for love isn't so great so perhaps not a wise choice!

For me, this choice has been an excellent exercise in trusting God's timing.  I have given over complete control to God in this area, which has been the hardest area for me to give up control in.  And I've learned quite a bit about myself in the process.

At this point in life, I feel like being single is exactly where I am supposed to be.  I have trust issues to deal with from my marriage and those don't just go away because you meet a nice guy.  Best to work on those now.  My kids beg me not to get married again--clearly, they are not ready for me to date.  And frankly, I am greatly enjoying my freedom and independence and really do not feel much of a void in my life at this point. 

Do I want to be alone forever?  Of course not!  Who truly desires that?  My guess is very few people.  But I would rather be alone than be unhappy.  Of that I am completely sure.

So for now I am challenging myself to sit back and trust that God has a plan and that it will be way more awesome than anything I could engineer.  It might not involve a man or marriage but that doesn't mean it is wrong.  I would not have been able to say that three months ago!