relentless positivity

In 2007, I had my gallbladder removed after 4 years of escalating symptoms. I thought I would be home free once I recovered; however, what has followed has been nearly 10 years of pain, discomfort and questions.

In 2008, I had a colonoscopy to try to determine why I was still so sick. They weren't able to come up with a reason but they did find pre-cancerous polyps. If left alone, those polyps would've turned into colon cancer by now. I consider my sickness to be a blessing of sorts, because I could be dead today if they hadn't discovered the polyps. I have no family history and no reason to get that checked out. Now I have a colonoscopy every 3 years to make sure I don't get colon cancer.

In 2015, I went to the dermatologist to figure out why my hair was falling out. Again, no answers to that but that is when my highly inflammed blood was looked at and I was sent to see a liver doctor. So I guess thinning hair could be considered a blessing here because it got a doctor to actually look at what my body was saying.

If none of that had happened, I could be dead. If I don't make changes, I will be dead.

It's all terrible, yes, but it could be so much worse!!!

I choose to look at all these problems as opportunities, and I think that is what will make the difference.

Also, I'm 7 days sober and feeling good about it!

Also also, REALLY hoping that lowered blood inflammation and a happy liver will make my hair healthy again....#vanity

the year of living slothfully

I blame my Chromecast.

It has been an adventure, exploring all the cool crap it can do.

I also blame the weather. Clouds make me sleepy.

But mostly, I blame a big, gigantic dream swirling around in my head.

My business is going through some changes--very good changes, but changes nonetheless. Changes that require thought, planning, dreaming.

When I have a lot on my mind like that, I tend to retreat. I usually beat myself up for it.

But tonight I realized something. What if the slothfulness is just part of my process?

In order to create something amazing, maybe what I need is downtime. Thought time. Processing time. Dreaming time.

Time's up. I have a meeting on Friday to prepare for. I have a dream to sketch out. I have a business to plan, a business to build.

It's gonna be awesome.

michael bolton, we're gonna need you to focus up

via

Alright peeps.

Time to get focused and back to the mission.

This past year has seen me make great emotional strides and not as great physical strides.

My business is growing and (dare I say?) showing signs of great fruit.

My spiritual life is on track. Just last night I got an answer from God about something I had been pondering. Chose to listen and obey (before first disobeying and suffering the consequences)--that's a good change.

My therapist bitch slapped some sense into me this summer and I made a great leap forward in my emotional healing.

My physical self is in the worst shape it has ever been.

My habits are bad. My resolve is flimsy. My focus is scattered.

So, here is the plan for this week. Just for this week. No more sweeping, grand plans. One week of focus.

This week, I will:

1. Get 50,000 steps logged on my FitBit

2. Drink at least 8 glasses of water per day (bonus love for myself if I start the day off with tea instead of soda)

3. Eat the meals I have prepared for the week

Can I do it? Stay tuned!

(12,345 bonus points for you if you can identify the source of my subject line)

You attract what you put out there, part two

Last fall, I wrote a post about attracting the wrong types of guys. You can read it here.

As you know, I have quit dating. This is a good thing.

That doesn't mean that I don't find myself having moments of loneliness. During one such moment earlier this week, I started thinking about all that I have and how I tend to focus on the one thing I lack.

Yes, I am single. I am not in a romantic relationship with a man. But that doesn't mean I am alone!

I have attracted the most awesome group of friends over the past few years. I am only alone when I choose to be. And because most are all raging extroverts like me, I am very rarely alone!

If it is true that we attract what we put out there, I'm liking what I'm putting out there when it comes to friends. I can honestly say this is one area of life where I am nailing it.

I feel like I have authentic, vulnerable, honest, REAL friendships with these people. They are there for me when life is fun and easy and they are there when things stink. They are willing to go along with my last minute schemes and happy to hang out and be still.

I may not have a man in my life, but I have a network of friends that almost make that deisre disappear. Almost. :)

the ugly cry

Well, it had to come out sometime.

Ever since the financial bomb went off last Tuesday, my soul has been trying to get its ugly cry on. Hasn't happened. The best I was able to do was to get a cracking headache and walk around with heavy shoulders.

But today, it found a way out! Of course, it was at church. And of course, I was in the front row since I had to be on stage at various times. Thankfully, the ugly cry waited until my speaking parts were done. 

I love worship music. It's how I chill with God. It centers my head in a way that reading the Bible or being in prayer can't. So our awesome music leader started singing The Desert Song by Hillsong. The lyrics just smacked me in the face and the ugly cry began. 

After a minute of trying to wipe at my eyes and not completely lose it, I felt a tap on my shoulder and saw a pack of tissues. Darling Katie, a few rows back, passed them up. Then Shelcy came and sat right next to me and wrapped me up, while I dripped tears (but not snot, I promise Shelcy!) on her arms. Somehow feeling love from these friends made me cry harder so I just let it go. It actually felt really good to get it out.

Unfortunately it isn't done. I've been breaking into tears on and off all afternoon. Ethan is circling me like a hawk and keeps finding me to check in. He's calling himself The Security Guard. He is such a sweet and precious boy--he just wants his mom to be okay. I struggle with showing this side of my emotional life to my kids. I don't want him to be worried about the things I'm worried about, but I also need him to understand that life isn't always perfect. 

This level of being down doesn't happen to me often. I've been worrying over things, been frustrated over things, been complaining about things. The reason I finally broke down is because I realized something very simple. I am trying to handle adversity on my own. I wasn't taking it to Jesus. It's so simple, yet somehow I continually forget. 

Below are the lyrics to this song. Not sure if Hillsong wrote it but that's the version I downloaded when I got home. Every line of this song is speaking to me right now. But the one I am choosing to focus on (or planning to when I can stop crying) is this: So refine me, Lord, through the flame. The Lord has been refining me since the minute I found out I was getting divorced. My continuing question has always been "Lord, what am I supposed to learn? What parts of me need to be refined?". When you ask God questions like this, He will make it painfully clear what He's trying to do. :)

"Desert Song"
[Verse 1:]
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
[Verse 2:]
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me, Lord, through the flame
[Chorus:]
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
[Verse 3:]
And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
[Bridge 4x:]
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
[Verse 4:]
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

two years

Two years ago today I signed my divorce papers.

When I sat down to write this, I was sure it had been three years. Kept looking at the dates and realized that sure enough, it's only been two years!

Many of you have been with me since the beginning of this journey.  You've stuck with me through great times and awful times.  Your love and support has carried me though.  I would like to take this opportunity to share with you all I have accomplished (with your help!) and the valuable lessons I have learned in the past two years.

In the past two years, I've:
-learned that taking the trash out is NO BIG DEAL. Seriously.
-learned how to operate the beast of a snow blower my ex bought right before he left. It is heavy and hard to use but dang, it clears snow amazingly well!
-learned how to mow my lawn. Although thankfully Jimbo has become my lawn man and does it for me most all of the time. :) (Love you Dad!)
-handled a basement flood, not once but twice and repaired the damage without spending a penny (many thanks to the handy people that came to help me out!  A special thanks to my brother who watched YouTube videos to learn how to stretch carpet!) 

-learned that using my network is the key to surviving single motherhood and home ownership! 

-helped my friend start a cooking business in which she is able to use my awesome kitchen and I get free cooking lessons while she leads classes.
-refinanced my house so now I can say it is MY HOUSE!!!
-paid off my minivan.
-completed my coaching program (with an A average!).
-launched Rachel Olson Coaching!
-made boatloads of new friends.
-gone on many dates, some good. Many not good.
-stayed single--by choice.
-learned how to parent--finally.

-learned how to set boundaries and priorities that work for me and my kids. 
-fallen in love with my kids.
-been to the Grand Canyon twice and camped with my dad
-taken my kids to Disney twice. Each time just gets better!
-done lots of little things around my house to make it feel comfortable to me.  Like painting my front door a zingy shade of yellow! 
-gotten rid of at least half my clothing.
-gotten to a good place with my ex where we can cooperate in the business of raising our kids.
-learned how to cover my gray hair on my own for $2 thus only having to get it done at the salon twice a year.
-worked (am am still working) with a financial planner to set and stick to a budget

Valuable lessons I've learned:
-Infidelity is awful. Divorce first, date later. Seriously. That has been BY FAR the hardest part for me to heal from. When my kids talk about her, it's like a tiny knife stabbing me in the heart. However, the knife is getting smaller and smaller. Eventually I know it will stop hurting.

-I am surviving and thriving. Never believed it would happen. 
-No amount of determination can speed up the healing process.
-Distractions (dating, drinking, eating, dancing, sleeping, etc.) might make it FEEL like you've healed but the pain will always be there until you deal with it.
-Nothing helps healing like a really great therapist!
-My kids were not ruined. It was dark for a while but we have emerged better and stronger.
-I love to reflect on my self growth and development. Probably why I was a psych major. Definitely why I love being a coach!
-I have a sparkle that people are attracted to. It's magnetic.  I'm coming back to life.
-I LOVE to have people in my house! Parties make my world go round. 
-I actually do have a head for business. I've surprised even myself. 
-I LOVE working for myself. I'm the best boss ever. EVER. :)
-The busier I am, the more productive I am.
-Single parenting works well for me.
-I love the team mentality I have with my kids right now. I'm still in charge but they want to do their best for the family. I love that.

What's yet to come?

-a road trip with my kids. Plan is for Fall 2015, Washington DC. Would also love to take a trip out west with them. Since I don't have a spouse to join me, Jimbo is coming! He and I are similar in our love of road trips so it works out well. Plus he is a pro camper and takes care of those details.
-lots of fun stuff planned for the summer. Trying to juggle growing a business and growing kids is tricky but so far it's working!

-a business that is going gangbusters. I have SO MANY ideas.  And they are so good. I need to put them into action.

-my first ski trip since 2005 to Whitefish, Montana

-I hope to have a solid relationship again, possibly even a marriage (waaay in the future.  I still have a lot of learning and growing to do). Although I am currently ambivalent about it, I know that deep down I want to find love and commitment.

I really can't believe it has only been two years. It astonishes me. I never believed things would turn around so quickly. When you are in the midst of a life upheaval, it feels like it will never end. I am so happy to be where I am today. Do I wish it could've come with less pain? Of course. But what is important is that I'm here. I've been blessed with smart people around me that encouraged me to make smart choices when I was at my worst. I have a giant circle of friends and family that are there at a moment's notice. I have a promise written down thousands of years ago in the Bible that assures me there is a plan for my life and for my kids. 

It's good stuff. 

today i felt the fear

I had a very important meeting today. I was nervous. I doubted myself.

Then I put on my big girl pants, took a deep breath and knocked it out of the park.

It was a great meeting. The outcome isn't certain but once it is, I will be celebrating the crap out of it.

I feel amazing.

beautiful things

In the winter of 2012, my life was chaos. My marriage had ended, I was struggling very badly and my kids were as well. It was the most awful period of my life, ever.  

Every Monday, my kids and I would go to DivorceCare. On each drive, we would listen to Beautiful Things by Gungor over and over. During the darkest part of our lives, that song gave us hope that things might get better.

One night Ethan drew this for me:

Isn't he just the best? "Don't listen to the dust Mom. I am sorry that you are sad. I love you. God makes beautiful things out of the dust." This proves that kids do listen to song lyrics!

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

So flash forward to today. On my way to a meeting, I was listening to Beautiful Things again. Each time I hear it, it brings back memories of that difficult time. However, today I noticed that although those memories will never be erased, they have been handled. Here's the next verse:

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

God is faithful. Always. God has made us new. God has taken the ugliest of things and created something beautiful from it. Hope is springing up. Obedience sprang out of chaos. I am just so thankful to love a sovereign God that has a plan for me and my kids. Our story continues. 

Two years ago, I never imagined the tears and ache would stop. I thought my kids would be ruined. None of my fears came true. God has made us new. Believe that.

Here is the cover art for that song--look very closely!

gratitude

My dear friend Rachel made me a calendar that has a monthly theme.

The theme for March was Gratitude.

I have so much to be grateful for. Sometimes I forget to stop pushing and just sit back and be grateful.

I hosted a big dinner party here last Saturday night. I worked hard to get the house spit spot, Courtney worked hard to create an amazing meal and together we created a glorious evening. I am so grateful I have a home. I'm so grateful I have THIS home. (So are my kids--I told them we were moving this morning as an April Fool's joke--they panicked and freaked out! Not funny, I was told.)

I'm grateful that I have an ex that pays me support faithfully--his leaving me enabled me to create my business and follow my dream.

I'm grateful my kids are happy and healthy. It was a tough road to get them here but they have arrived.

I'm grateful for high speed internet. And my phone.

I'm grateful for my amazing family, who I realize is even more amazing than I thought almost every single day. They are people I actually WANT to hang out with. Not sure many can say the same for their families. I realize it is unusual.

I'm grateful for clients that drop into my lap and for opportunities that pop up out of nowhere.

I'm grateful for the opportunity to write without worry of censorship.

I'm grateful to be 36, single and the mom of two kids. It isn't where I imagined I would be but now I can't imagine being anywhere else. 

the desire map

Nope, this post is not about sex. Sorry to disappoint. :)

My dear friend/consultant extraordinaire Rachel Greenhouse put The Desire Map in my path. She suggested we read it and discuss during our weekly co-working sessions.

I have been working my way through the first part of the book, which is all about creating goals with soul. Initially I thought I would use this more on my work side but it is turning out to be more about my personal life. I guess in my case my work and personal life are entwined, due to my brand being ME!

I like her approach. The book is an easy, almost stream of consciousness type of style. She hates the idea of boring, stiff goals. She prefers to call them intentions. In creating goals with soul, you connect on a deep level with what gets you really fired up and do more of that, rather than setting lofty, responsible, well thought out goals that don't excite you.

I'm finally at the part where I am ready to start mapping out my desire map. 

She focuses on 5 areas: 

• Livelihood & Lifestyle
• Body & Wellness
• Creativity & Learning
• Relationships & Society
• Essence & Spirituality

Sounds a little like my 4 areas of focus!

I tackled the first of many pages today that require me to really think about what I really want, what I truly desire.

Example: the prompt was "I crave" and what flowed from my pen was this:

peace. confidence. comfortable skin. less chin fat. a quiet mind. love. true love. a partner. feeling accomplished. strength.

Two pages full of stuff like that. There are many more to be filled!  I want to take my time though and really think. It's easy for me to think about emotional things with very little effort. I don't want to do that here. I don't want to get caught in the trap of writing the "right" things. I want intentions that sizzle and fit me perfectly. 

The only part of this book that sticks in my craw just a bit is where she says the point of all this is to feel good. I agree with that; however, I hesitate to accept that as a life mantra. Sometimes people do really selfish things that make them feel good and rock the worlds (in a bad way) of the people who are connected to them. I think there is danger in focusing solely on what makes you feel good. There needs to be some thought put into how your actions (or intentions) effect others.

So I will be working on this book for the next little bit. Taking my time writing is not the norm for me. I usually crank these posts out in under 10 minutes! Taking time to think before writing something is new for me. Maybe something amazing will come from it!

an update on my single life

via

It's been almost three months since I decided to stop dating.  I have to say, it has been a simple thing which has surprised me a bit.

It was a little lonely and strange at the beginning.  But now I hardly think about it!  Funny that something that consumed my mind for all that time can be easily shoved out. 

Some people have been supportive of my choice; others have questioned me.  Most of my guy friends think I am completely nuts--that's fair.  :)  A few friends have questioned whether I'm putting God in a box, as far as what I believe He can do in my life.

I can see where that would come from but for me (and only me), this choice was actually a way for me to put trust in God.  I had been trying to manipulate life and make things happen according to my will and timeline.  I kinda just told God to step back and let me handle this.  My track record for love isn't so great so perhaps not a wise choice!

For me, this choice has been an excellent exercise in trusting God's timing.  I have given over complete control to God in this area, which has been the hardest area for me to give up control in.  And I've learned quite a bit about myself in the process.

At this point in life, I feel like being single is exactly where I am supposed to be.  I have trust issues to deal with from my marriage and those don't just go away because you meet a nice guy.  Best to work on those now.  My kids beg me not to get married again--clearly, they are not ready for me to date.  And frankly, I am greatly enjoying my freedom and independence and really do not feel much of a void in my life at this point. 

Do I want to be alone forever?  Of course not!  Who truly desires that?  My guess is very few people.  But I would rather be alone than be unhappy.  Of that I am completely sure.

So for now I am challenging myself to sit back and trust that God has a plan and that it will be way more awesome than anything I could engineer.  It might not involve a man or marriage but that doesn't mean it is wrong.  I would not have been able to say that three months ago!

Weigh In Wednesday

I'm down 1.8 pounds!  Victory is mine!

I am happy with this.  It is progress in the right direction. 

Even though I didn't do as well as I hoped with my eating and exercise, I did enough to lose a bit. 

Each day is a new opportunity for progress! 

Top 10 lessons from my divorce

1.       People and places may not fit as well as they used to.  I did lose some friends.  I give them the benefit of the doubt and figure they don’t know what to say so they don’t say anything.  That is okay.  It’s sad but okay.  Sometimes I struggle to find my place, my best fit.  I look at it as an adventure most of the time.

2.       Focus on the stars, not the mud.  It is SO easy to only focus on the mud that surrounds the break up of a marriage and of a family.  There is a ton of mud.  But eventually you need to look up.  You need to see those stars twinkling, however faintly.  They get brighter.  Quit playing in the mud.

3.       The only path to healing is straight through!  Oh, how I have tried to ignore this truth.  I have tried dating, drinking, eating, cleaning, organizing….Nothing works.  The pain will still be there.  The only thing to do is resign yourself to the healing process and jump in with both feet.  Eventually the process will carry you to a better place if you stop fighting against it!

4.       Dating can be a painkiller.  When I am seeing someone, the sun shines a little brighter, the world sparkles just a bit more.  My pain is dulled and I no longer feel it.  It is wonderful!  And a total façade.  The pain is still there.  That is why I’m taking the year off dating.  Just say no to drugs!

5.       Divorce will not ruin my kids.  I was so fearful for at least the first year that my kids were going to be ruined.  They are not.  They struggled, to be sure.  There were some very dark times.  But ultimately, they are God’s property and He will not allow them to be ruined.

6.       Forgiveness is a choice but also a necessity.  There is very little desire to forgive, as far as feelings go.  However, I will continue to work on forgiving simply out of obedience to the Lord.  I will probably never FEEL like doing it but that is okay and totally normal.

7.       Sometimes you just need to be alone.  When I was first divorced, I frantically tried to fill up my kid free time.  I just couldn’t stand to be alone!  However, now that I have grown and gotten comfortable in this new life, I actually look forward to my time alone!  I am too social to spend the entirety of a weekend alone but I do relish the times where I have the house to myself—especially if it is clean!  J

8.       Boundaries have saved my bacon.  If you haven’t read Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend, go do it now.  Seriously.  The idea of boundaries finally clicked for me last summer.  I realized that I did not feel capable or competent to run my life and it seriously undermined my confidence.  Once I realized that I could set a boundary around myself and my kids, life got much easier.  I am enjoying my independence and my confidence in my ability to run my life is growing!

9.       I fell in love with my kids.  This sounds strange, I know.  When I was married, life was tense and hard.  I was so disconnected from myself that I didn’t even know how bad things really were.  Parenting was a burden and I resented doing it alone even when I had a partner there.  I loved my kids but I didn’t love being a mom.  Not so anymore!  Once I got my boundaries figured out, I realized how much I love my kids and how thankful I am to be their mom!  They are super awesome.  They are getting a much better mom now than they had before, because now I am into parenting and I am into them.  Once I set my top 3 priorities for my family (love them, provide a safe place, encourage them to share their feelings), life got so much easier.  I could ignore all the voices and the “should’s” and just focus on what I can do best for them.

10.   I crave genuine relationships.  When I was married, I didn’t want to get too deep with people.  I knew that if I gave voice to the issues, the whole thing would fall apart.  So I kept my relationships surface deep.  Now that I am living a more real, honest life, I crave relationships that go deep.  My single parents group at Grace is full of people that I have deep relationships with.  I love spending time with them because they get me, they get where I’m at (because they are too!) and they encourage and support me when I need it.  I never would’ve met these wonderful people if I was still married and then I would be missing out on some amazing friendships.

who's there?

Okay, I'm puzzled.  This blog has had 106 hits today.  Who is reading this?  Announce yourself!  :)

Seriously, I would love to know.  If I am somehow supporting you, I'd like to know.  And if you could somehow support me, I want you to! 

Don't be shy--post a comment and introduce yourself!

Weigh In Wednesday

 It's not good news...

0 pounds lost

But the good news is that I have also gained 0 pounds!  :)  (I have to put that positive spin on it)

Wednesday and Thursday of last week were awesome.  I was eating well, walking, basically kicking ass.

Then I woke up feeling like crap on Friday.  And Saturday.  And Sunday....you get the picture.  A cold complete with the chills and body aches.  Ugh.

I'm still feeling pretty out of it--my head feels fuzzy.  But tomorrow I am going to do my best to get back on track and get my year moving again.

I had a great session with my awesome therapist (Heather) today.  My homework for the week is to meditate on Psalm 139:14

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well".

When I read this, I have a caveat in my head: I am fearfully and wonderfully made and your works are wonderful, but not really until I am a size 10 again.

Heather has identified my belief that my value is somehow tied up in my weight as a false belief.  She is dead right.  She made me list out all the things that are wonderful about me.  It ended up being a long list.  :)  I realized that many of my beautiful friends see me through eyes that could care less what size I am.  It's a wonderful example.

So now I begin a journey of trying to see myself as God sees me--fearfully and wonderfully made, fully intended to be exactly who I am, exactly where I am at.  Terribly difficult for me to get my head around and accept.

I am positive I am not the only one with that false belief.  If you are in this with me, say a prayer for us both tonight.  :)

Meet Norman.

This is my friend Norman!  Norman is a terrific fitness trainer and is amazing and deserves a shout out on this blog.

I met Norman just before my marriage ended.  I started working out with him twice a week and was somehow able to continue doing so while the divorce was settled.

Looking back, I'm not sure how I managed to drag my depressed and devastated ass to see him twice a week.  But it was a time that I rarely bailed on.

My time with Norman was healing and FUN!  BTW, ask Norman what he thinks of the word "fun".  :)  We chatted while we worked out and I got my mood lightened each time I met with him, at least for that hour.  We also got to do Ballistic Therapy whenever I needed it, which consisted of me hurling medicine balls at a concrete wall and cursing out my ex and the mistress.  I always felt much better after that!

Norman is working at the Lifetime Fitness in Savage now.  If you are a member, stop in and say hi to him!  He oozes fun and enthusiasm and is a great person to know.

If you need a trainer to help you meet your living healthfully goals for 2014, consider Norman!  Even if you don't have a membership at Lifetime, he can find a way to work with you.  If you do have a membership at Lifetime, check out their training options.  They have added some more reasonably priced options for poor folks like me.  I recently had to put my membership on hold but Norman is still going to create a strength routine for me and hold me accountable, for a very reasonable price.

If you want his contact info, send me a message!

Also, Norman is single!  He is looking for a girl who loves the Renaissance Festival (bonus points if she has her own costume) and who loves to stay in shape (but isn't psycho about it).  He's a catch ladies!

2014 has been the best year ever!!!!!!

Well, so far at least!

I have a plan.  My much awaited, much dreamed about plan.  It all materialized the other day.

Ready?

1. A daily walk of 30 minutes.  5 minutes to warm up, 5 minutes to cool down, 20 minutes of active walking.  I am tracking my distance for those 30 minutes.  At the end of January, I hope to have doubled the distance I did on the first day in the same amount of time.  This is where the magic happens:

Motivation to last me all year!

2. I start each morning with a fruit and veggie smoothie.  I got a Nutribullet for Christmas and it just might be the best gift ever!  I fill it up with two cups of spinach, one cup of fruit, some flax seed, hemp seed and almonds.  Sometimes a little vanilla protein powder.  Delicious!

3. For either lunch or dinner, I have a raw meal shake--it isn't the tastiest thing around but it's edible.

4. Have a reasonable lunch or dinner.

5. Track calories via the LoseIt app.

6. Track steps using my FitBit.  Aim for 10k per day.

It's been two days.  I feel great.  I am focusing on these 6 things.  I am fighting every urge I have to do it perfect.  I am trying to be reasonable and persistent and forget about the perfection.

Also, I forgot to post my weigh in yesterday.  Decided to start over--what was I thinking, trying to start losing weight before Christmas?  So stay tuned for next week--it will hopefully be evidence of all my hard work!