michael bolton, we're gonna need you to focus up

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Alright peeps.

Time to get focused and back to the mission.

This past year has seen me make great emotional strides and not as great physical strides.

My business is growing and (dare I say?) showing signs of great fruit.

My spiritual life is on track. Just last night I got an answer from God about something I had been pondering. Chose to listen and obey (before first disobeying and suffering the consequences)--that's a good change.

My therapist bitch slapped some sense into me this summer and I made a great leap forward in my emotional healing.

My physical self is in the worst shape it has ever been.

My habits are bad. My resolve is flimsy. My focus is scattered.

So, here is the plan for this week. Just for this week. No more sweeping, grand plans. One week of focus.

This week, I will:

1. Get 50,000 steps logged on my FitBit

2. Drink at least 8 glasses of water per day (bonus love for myself if I start the day off with tea instead of soda)

3. Eat the meals I have prepared for the week

Can I do it? Stay tuned!

(12,345 bonus points for you if you can identify the source of my subject line)

Weigh In Wednesday!

Greetings friends!

I have been absent, my apologies.  I traveled to Green Bay last week for a coaching gig and am just now getting back in the swing of things.

Nothing new to report for Weigh In Wednesday.  Travel, too much good food, too much sitting on my butt.  None of which makes for a good weigh in!

Back in the saddle today.  In fact, today I am starting an experiment.  I got up at 6:45 and was showered and dressed way before the kids got up.  I'm trying to see if getting ready for the day early will translate into greater productivity for me.  So far so good!

Weigh In Wednesday

I'm down 1.8 pounds!  Victory is mine!

I am happy with this.  It is progress in the right direction. 

Even though I didn't do as well as I hoped with my eating and exercise, I did enough to lose a bit. 

Each day is a new opportunity for progress! 

2014 has been the best year ever!!!!!!

Well, so far at least!

I have a plan.  My much awaited, much dreamed about plan.  It all materialized the other day.

Ready?

1. A daily walk of 30 minutes.  5 minutes to warm up, 5 minutes to cool down, 20 minutes of active walking.  I am tracking my distance for those 30 minutes.  At the end of January, I hope to have doubled the distance I did on the first day in the same amount of time.  This is where the magic happens:

Motivation to last me all year!

2. I start each morning with a fruit and veggie smoothie.  I got a Nutribullet for Christmas and it just might be the best gift ever!  I fill it up with two cups of spinach, one cup of fruit, some flax seed, hemp seed and almonds.  Sometimes a little vanilla protein powder.  Delicious!

3. For either lunch or dinner, I have a raw meal shake--it isn't the tastiest thing around but it's edible.

4. Have a reasonable lunch or dinner.

5. Track calories via the LoseIt app.

6. Track steps using my FitBit.  Aim for 10k per day.

It's been two days.  I feel great.  I am focusing on these 6 things.  I am fighting every urge I have to do it perfect.  I am trying to be reasonable and persistent and forget about the perfection.

Also, I forgot to post my weigh in yesterday.  Decided to start over--what was I thinking, trying to start losing weight before Christmas?  So stay tuned for next week--it will hopefully be evidence of all my hard work!

Noticing some changes....

I seem to have a little more energy.  Could this be the start of something new? 

I have been plagued with horrible headaches, some of the worst I've ever had.  Today has been headache free so far, which is a blessing! 

I started reading a book called 21 Days to a More Disciplined Life.  I've always wanted to be more structured and more organized but haven't been able to pull it off. 

Once I finish this 21 day cleanse, I am embarking on a life cleanse!  More to come on this later.

I'm surviving!

Day five of the Ultimate Reset! 

Not gonna lie--the first 3 days were rough.  Rough.  But somehow I kept at it, surprising myself.  Now I am at the end of day 5.  Only 16 days left!

I haven't had any caffeine, which has been the hardest part.  Definitely an addict.  That's what was so hard those first days.

I've kept my fridge stocked with the fresh foods I'm supposed to be eating.  Definitely helps to be prepared!

I've found that I'm not really hungry--I am emotionally hungry.  I am fighting massive cravings for all the crappy food I've gotten so used to eating.  They are getting smaller though.

I've found that the food I am eating makes me feel really full.  I'm usually struggling to get the final bites of my salad in.  Eating lots of veggies really does fill you up!

And the best part?  Down 5 pounds!  Yahoo!  That's enough to keep me going!

off to dazzle the crowd

In 3 hours I will be at General Mills doing a presentation on balancing technology in our families.  My head hurts a little but I'm going to try to stay off the caffeine.  Hopefully the natural high I get from being in a big group of people will be enough to keep my sparkle going!

I got on the scale this morning just for fun--down 3 pounds!  If I could knock out 10 pounds on this program, I would be very happy.  That would feel like a great head start for me.

The start of something....amazing?

Today I started a 21 day cleanse/detox program.  Normally I don't go for stuff like this but decided to give it a try for several reasons.  First, you don't eat fake food and shakes--you eat real food that you cook and prepare yourself.  Second, many of the reviews I read said it taught them how to shop and cook whole, clean foods.  I need help with that.  Third, I am quite certain that if I don't shake things up now, I will end up in this exact same place next year, looking at my 37th (!!!) birthday looming and wondering what happened to my good intentions.

For breakfast, I had a big bowl of oatmeal.  I was supposed to have yogurt and blueberries with it but had not hit the grocery store yet so I just stuck with the oatmeal.  Not hungry, even 4 hours later.

Have not had soda or tea.  Just drinking water.  No headache.

I am cooking a batch of chicken right now because I need some for my salad at lunch.  I plan to eat mostly the same meals each day for this first week.  Too much flexibility makes me have a hard time.

I hit the grocery store and spent $95 on food.  That kind of hurts but I'm guessing that if I really examine my credit card bill (which I don't because I am feeling stressed about money right now) I would find that I probably spend twice that each week on eating out!

Send encouraging thoughts my way please!

useless perfectionism

I found out this summer that my immobility and failure to act at times is a symptom of perfectionism.  Whhhaaa?

I have always been one to hold myself back from trying new things.  Even as a kid, I didn't want to play sports because I didn't want to not be great from the get go.  I see this trait in my son--help me Rhonda.

I tended to gravitate towards activities where I wouldn't let people down if I failed--skiing, biking, camping, etc.  I hate to do something if I'm not sure I can be great.

I found out a few years ago that one of my top strengths is Maximizer.  Maximizers strive for excellence and are disappointed with anything less.  Yes, I believe that describes me!  However, instead of pushing myself to bigger and better things, I hold myself back because I don't believe I can achieve excellence.  Clearly not using this strength as well as I could.

This useless perfectionism needs to go.  I've let go of a lot of bad habits and patterns of behavior over the last few years as a result of my divorce.  Every day I am thankful that I was given a second chance to create a life that matters.  I think I am rising to the pursuit of excellence in a number of key areas--but the one glaring hole is my health. 

How do I break the cycle of inaction and finally get to where I want to be?  This blog definitely helps.  I think the next big thing to tackle is food.  I don't remember how to eat right.  Even when I was eating right back in my skinny days (before sweet Olivia got here), I was mainly eating fake food but just less food in general so I lost weight.  Now I feel this need to be healthy and not eat crap but I don't really know how to do it so I am stuck in crappy eating and self loathing.

Any suggestions?

The four areas of focus

This year, I'm focusing on getting four areas of my life under control and thriving.

Spiritual health
Emotional health
Physical health
Financial health

To say that I neglect most of these areas on a regular basis is an understatement.  I'm sure many of you can totally feel me on this.  It's tough to balance home, work, family, friends, etc.  We are usually the last person that we give our time to. 

As a coach, I find it so fun and invigorating to help my clients thrive in these four areas.  But it is SO much easier to encourage another than to encourage ourselves!

Let's break the four areas down!

Spiritual health: daily devotions!  I do one called SOLO and I journal each day--it has been super fun to look back and see what I was feeling a few months ago.  I want to fill up my notebook this year!  Also, I need to make Jesus the center of my life.  My plumb line.  The truth that I can hold onto when I start freaking out.

Emotional health: I want to love me.  I want to feel fully comfortable with who I have become.  She's a pretty rad chick.  I want to continue to build and maintain HEALTHY boundaries in my life.  I want to affirm myself for keeping those boundaries, especially when my nature is telling me I am wrong to have them.  I want to go to bed each night feeling like I nailed it--no regrets.

Physical health: This is an easy one--I need to lose weight.  But instead of putting a number on it, I will put a feeling.  I want to feel comfortable in this body, in this skin.  I don't want to constantly be adjusting my shirt so it isn't clinging to my fat belly.  (Beautiful mental picture, right?)  I want to feel pretty.  I want to feel like people see me, that I'm not just some fat mom.  But I also want to get strong.  I used to be strong--I liked how that felt.  I want that back.

Financial health: This is an area I can honestly say has NEVER been under control for me.  I have never stuck to a budget (mini challenge alert!).  My ex and I were both idiots when it came to finances.  Not a good match there.  I do okay but I have zero savings and lots of stupid sh*t clogging up my house.  Pretty easy to see the correlation there!  I would like to have a nice little stockpile of cash in case of an emergency.  I would like to contribute something to my IRA.  I would like to tithe regularly to my church.  I need to find a way to budget that works for me.  My dear mother has tried many times to help me but the reality is that I need to help me--that's the only way it will work.  Please let me know if you have any advice or insight on this one!

So there are my four areas of focus this year.  I am an adaptable person so I like to leave rooms for things to shift a bit.  However, I will stay true to these four.  Four feels manageable!

One month from tomorrow is the official kick off!  I feel so proactive.  :)

head space for sale

I got a bike ride in today and took care of some annoying tasks that have been hanging over my head.  I had pizza twice but still managed to stay within my calories for the day.  I am hungry now and would kill for a glass of wine but water with a lime will have to do!

I've had several people ask me what my plan is.  My answer is that I have no clue.  But I am okay with that.  I have boldly embarked on millions of plans, only to fail completely by the 2 week marker.

This time is different.  This time I am focusing on my motivator rather than my plan.  The best plan is worthless without a motivator. 

It's relatively easy to find a motivator--I want to weigh X number of pounds, I want to fit into a certain size of clothing, I want to be attractive to the opposite sex, etc, etc.  I thought a noble one was that I wanted to get "healthy" for my kids.  What that really means is that I don't want to be a fat mom that gets them teased.

But this time I have the best, most amazeballs reason ever.  Ready for it?

I need to free up the real estate in my head.

This has never crossed my mind before.  But as I have pondered this year of living healthfully, I have realized that I spend an ENORMOUS amount of time thinking about my weight, my size and my failures to lose weight.  I also spend a lot of time dreaming up ways to cheat it, how to dress myself nicer so I look slimmer, how to exercise (but never doing much), how to eat (but choosing to overeat instead).  Fricking waste of time.

I need this real estate.  I have lost brain cells due to motherhood and I really can't afford to lose any more.  I need this space in my head. 

I need space to heal and grow as a single woman and single mom.  I need space to store up energy and motivation to parent when I am completely spent.  I need space to brainstorm ideas for my business, space to be creative. 

I am evicting my weight from my head.  I will no longer spend time and energy thinking about it.  As I've moved through my healing process from the divorce, I learned to take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to God.  When I feel myself slipping into a place of unforgiveness, I have phrases that I say to myself and to God to get back on track.

I believe this strategy will work here. 

This issue is no longer up for debate.  This issue has been evicted.  Focus on living healthfully.

now what?

I seemed to have sparked something with my little Facebook post.  Apparently there are quite a few people out there just like me--completely fed up but somehow not making any progress.

I'm a pretty open person--I don't really care if people think I am cool or not.  I want people to like me, sure, because I have Woo in my Top 5 and enjoy making connections.  But I have no problem putting my grossness out there.  Not entirely sure why.  When I was younger a move like this would have mortified me.  Perhaps this is a result of being closer than ever to 40?

If you have decided to walk alongside me for this year of living healthfully, welcome!  So glad you made it.  I am not going to pretend I have a grand plan or any answers at all.  All I know is that I have tried and failed a hundred times and I don't want to do it any more.

I don't see this year as the year of a diet.  I really don't.  Obviously eating will be a big part of weight loss.  But I have learned that I don't do well with "you can't have this" diets.  Does anyone?  I need flexibility and I need something that is sustainable in the long run.  I don't want to live in constant fear that if I stop eating according to a diet plan that I will plump up again.

Today I started my morning off with a multivitamin.  Small step to be sure, but one that I needed to take.  I neglect my body quite often.  Taking care of two kids as a single mom tends to be quite a bit of work at times (which I wouldn't trade for anything!).  When I do have downtime I am usually comatose on the couch.  I don't take very good care of me.  It's almost like when I have time to do something healthy for myself, I fear taking action as though expending too much energy on life will be the thing that sends this whole thing into chaos.  I think this is a remnant of living in a constant state of stress when I was married.  I am actually a hard worker with a huge capacity to get stuff done.  But for a long time I was in survival mode and there really wasn't much energy left at the end of the day.  I get to change that now.

So today I swallowed a pill that will help fill in the gaps in my nutrition.  And now I am going to have a cup of tea!

another year....

Yet another year has passed and my weight is the one thing that hasn't changed.  It is also the one thing I think about most often, the one that takes up the most space in my life and in my head.

This sh*t has to stop.

Last year, I proclaimed that my 35th year would be the best year ever, the year I got this issue straightened out!  What really happened this year?  I gained 10 pounds.  WTF.

A few months ago I went to a coaching workshop on Transformation.  I want a Transformation (yes, with a capital T!).  I took great notes and will look through them shortly on how to proceed from here.

Bottom line--I need these extra 60 pounds gone.  Gone.  For good.  I want to feel pretty, strong healthy.  I could name a hundred really great reasons to lose weight but only one is the game changer--I need to free up space in my head.  I need to shed pounds that are keeping me from grabbing life by the balls!  I want to be the best single mom to my kids, I want to be a hot lady who gets dates with the right kind of guys and I want to grow a successful coaching business.  I can do it, I know I can. 

So why haven't I?  Because I am lazy.  Because I am scared.  Because if I fail again, I'll never get back up. 

Enough.  This sh*t has to stop.

The year will officially begin on November 18, my 36th birthday. 

This blog will chronicle my progress.  My struggles.  My ultimate success.  I have no doubt that if I try, I can drop 60 pounds before I turn 37.  37!  Good Lord.  How did I get this old?