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Thursday, September 19, 2013

head space for sale

I got a bike ride in today and took care of some annoying tasks that have been hanging over my head.  I had pizza twice but still managed to stay within my calories for the day.  I am hungry now and would kill for a glass of wine but water with a lime will have to do!

I've had several people ask me what my plan is.  My answer is that I have no clue.  But I am okay with that.  I have boldly embarked on millions of plans, only to fail completely by the 2 week marker.

This time is different.  This time I am focusing on my motivator rather than my plan.  The best plan is worthless without a motivator. 

It's relatively easy to find a motivator--I want to weigh X number of pounds, I want to fit into a certain size of clothing, I want to be attractive to the opposite sex, etc, etc.  I thought a noble one was that I wanted to get "healthy" for my kids.  What that really means is that I don't want to be a fat mom that gets them teased.

But this time I have the best, most amazeballs reason ever.  Ready for it?

I need to free up the real estate in my head.

This has never crossed my mind before.  But as I have pondered this year of living healthfully, I have realized that I spend an ENORMOUS amount of time thinking about my weight, my size and my failures to lose weight.  I also spend a lot of time dreaming up ways to cheat it, how to dress myself nicer so I look slimmer, how to exercise (but never doing much), how to eat (but choosing to overeat instead).  Fricking waste of time.

I need this real estate.  I have lost brain cells due to motherhood and I really can't afford to lose any more.  I need this space in my head. 

I need space to heal and grow as a single woman and single mom.  I need space to store up energy and motivation to parent when I am completely spent.  I need space to brainstorm ideas for my business, space to be creative. 

I am evicting my weight from my head.  I will no longer spend time and energy thinking about it.  As I've moved through my healing process from the divorce, I learned to take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to God.  When I feel myself slipping into a place of unforgiveness, I have phrases that I say to myself and to God to get back on track.

I believe this strategy will work here. 

This issue is no longer up for debate.  This issue has been evicted.  Focus on living healthfully.

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